Why Men? The BIY Project came out of curiosity around three observations which seemed to be commonly made about men.

• Talking about 'masculine strength' often excludes real core strengths like integrity, humility and honesty.
• The term 'male communication' is routinely treated as a joke and as for emotional engagement of men - forget it! But when men become isolated/detached they are 'vulnerable in their vices'.
• A discussion about fatherhood often becomes a discussion about 'closed' male communication or absentee fathers - not about positive role models.

The curiosity was both in the work/group setting and also on an individual level. It raised a number of questions.

On an individual level, where do men turn to for support or help when they need it?

Or some might ask why don't men seek support when they need it?

Like asking directions.

And where do women seek help for the men/males in their life?

Where do men explore ideas when uncertain/angry/confused about their role in society today?

"Part of the reason that men seem so much less loving than women is that men's behaviour is measured with a feminine ruler". - Francesca M Cancian

There has been much needed work - and more to do yet - to support women in addressing historic and current gender imbalances. This support engages women in ways which feel safe for them, in general anyway.

Where are the equivalent safe areas for men?

Is there an assumption that because we believe/are told we live in a 'male dominated world' that 'men' have all the help 'they' need; a justification for making no specific provision for men. Or is that actually men don't want support and if they did, isn't that what the pub/football/fishing etc is for.

If you did try and find specific support for men you will find a few 'warrior' or 'sweat lodge' style mens' weekends. Beyond that there doesn't seem to be much and 'take up' for these or more mainstream support is frequently limited, even when it is available.

Analysis by ChildLine gives food for thought about provding support for boys, however there does not seem much equivalent research for men.

So who can help men, whether emotionally engaged or not, or those men who have been brought up with anger as the only emotion which has ever generated a response in others?

What happens when challenges come for those who don't have any 'tools' to handle the situation e.g. when feeling insecure and without reference points after a divorce, or with health concerns, after loss of employment or a business or the trauma of bereavement, maybe having challenges after operational tours for service personnel.

Indeed how receptive are some of the 'caring' environments to a 'bloke'? How open are they to expressions of anger and frustration or about communication which is non verbal or the 'close down' which can occur around insecurity or hurt.

When looking at some work environments it was apparent there is sometimes a difficulty in recruiting or retaining men in areas where a gender balance is desired, e.g when a primary school was known to recruit some male teachers it made the 'One Show' on the BBC.

And in some groups or organisations or activities men don't participate or get involved as much as the organisers would like. Some examples may well come to mind when you read this.

Is this because 'men are the problem', or are there some other explanations?

We are aware this is a big subject, for those who want support in this area we take a pragmatic and human approach - with humour - which we believe are key elements in creating an environment for positive change.

And it is important to emphasise our focus is across gender and learning styles - and indeed seek to look beyond male/female and other labels. However there seems to be a need to talk in gender terms even though to label people as anything but individuals easily leads to 'two-dimensional' stereotyping, whether real or perceived.

Click 'Learning' for a further explanation of our approach to learning.

We seek to change how people view themselves and work towards a more human and humane world in balance with itself.

How?

Just by starting, with what we have, who we are, what we know.

"Dreams come in a size too big so that we may grow into them." - Josie Bisset

And trying not to take ourselves too seriously.

We recognise we are one cog within the broader change happening through partnerships and non-traditional approaches and 'ground up' networks.

The common bonds are themes of relaxed and open communication achieved through honest debate and engagement.

Whatever the situation, common values hold firm - respect, integrity, humility. Heart and soul are at the core of our work through constant and mutual learning. Being open to what we can learn from the past, from the present and from the world around us.

And remembering to play along the way.

"Be the change that you want to see in the world." - Gandhi

We wish that more people do more of this kind of thing, not only valuing ourselves but our environment and those around us. We apply the 'Triple Bottom Line' in our work - which means taking into account the economic, social and environmental impacts of what we do.

And value open and free communication.

"To do the useful thing, to say the courageous thing,
to contemplate the beautiful thing: that is enough for one man's life." - TS Elliot

More on Mike and Iain can be found on the websites of their supporting businesses:

Mike - - www.benchmarkcoaching.co.uk

Iain - - www.tentcopter.co.uk

listening - learning - valuing - random - building - challenging - growing - nurturing